We honestly think that Newton Faulkner might be a wizard.
Like, seriously. An actual, real-life wizard.
Yes, dear reader, we know that he doesn’t look much like Harry Potter. If anything, he looks a bit like how one would imagine Ron Weasley may look during a particularly testing mid-teen ‘rebellious phase’. Oh, and we know that he probably can’t cast spells, or make things disappear, or do any of the other dastardly deeds that you’d commonly associate with your everyday master of the dark, dangerous and/or forbidden arts.
Yet, still, we really do think that you should hear us out.
Let’s look at this objectively.
For a start, no one man should be able to play that many guitar parts at the same time. We counted, and he’s only got two arms. So, how the hell is he managing to play four different melody notes, two percussive parts, and a bass line, all at the same time?
Further evidence for the prosecution: he’s managed to have the crowd in the palm of his hand from the moment he walked on to the stage at Bristol’s O2 Academy. Despite some initial ‘technical difficulties’ – namely, that his microphone wasn’t actually switched on – he’s still somehow found a way to make an entire room full of waiting British strangers laugh out loud three times before he actually plays a note. Three times. That, dear reader, is not something that a mere mortal is capable of doing.
Then, we’ve got the songs themselves.
Not only does he perform them wonderfully, but Newton‘s tracks are quite simply some of the most gorgeous acoustic pop tracks we’ve heard in all our years of reviewing music.
After all, there’s just something special about a song that’s able to shine when it’s performed solo by one man and his acoustic guitar, isn’t there? Not only does he have ‘the hits’ – think Dream Catch Me, Clouds, and Teardrops – but he’s also got more than a few chronically underrated tracks from his recent albums.
Factor in the fact that every one of his compositions allow him to show off his already superhuman guitar abilities, and we think that you’ve got yourself one heck of a musician. But, when you take into account his pitch-perfect live vocals – throughout the entirety of his hour-and-a-half-long set, he never once missed a note – can you really believe that Newton Faulkner doesn’t possess some semblance of mythical powers?
It’s now time for our closing argument.
Is it normal for one man to be able to play, sing, and write that well? In all honesty, we think it probably isn’t. So, therefore, he must be some sort of superhuman. Admittedly, there was no sign of a magic wand, broomstick, or cauldron on the stage; but, we wouldn’t be at all surprised if he was hiding those behind some sort of dreadlock-driven invisibility force field.
You’re still not convinced, are you? Well, that’s fair enough – like all the best magic, a Newton Faulkner show is something that needs to be seen to be believed. The only solution, then, is for you to head down to one of his show’s the next time he rolls into your own. Whether or not you come out believing that he’s a wizard is, admittedly, up to you – but, we can guarantee that you won’t regret it.
